The so-called ‘psychotically depressed’ person who tries to kill herself doesn’t do so out of quote ‘hopelessness’ or any abstract conviction that life’s assets and debits do not square. And surely not because death seems suddenly appealing. The person in whom Its invisible agony reaches a certain unendurable level will kill herself the same way a trapped person will eventually jump from the window of a burning high-rise. Make no mistake about people who leap from burning windows. Their terror of falling from a great height is still just as great as it would be for you or me standing speculatively at the same window just checking out the view; i.e. the fear of falling remains a constant. The variable here is the other terror, the fire’s flames: when the flames get close enough, falling to death becomes the slightly less terrible of two terrors. It’s not desiring the fall; it’s terror of the flames. And yet nobody down on the sidewalk, looking up and yelling ‘Don’t!’ and ‘Hang on!’, can understand the jump. Not really. You’d have to have personally been trapped and felt flames to really understand a terror way beyond falling.

—David Foster Wallace

Frustrations piling up nicely.

Cant do dickall to help Lee get over the most recent hump, all of my ideas have been exhausted. I dont have the energy to do anything active, and my passive pursuits are mostly on hold untill something happens somewhere to our financial status. Hello TV. *disgusted snort*

Long term goals pretty much boxed for the foreseeable. Im back in survival mode.

Work is unsatisfying. Unchallenged, underused, and of zero value to the company other than as a live body to throw at the schedule. Christ, even IntaBoro made us feel like we were of *some* value, and they paid us shit and gave us no benefits.

Just keep going, just keep walking, cuz I cant even run anymore.

I work in a call center. I spend five-to-ten hours a day talking to people who are confused, upset, bereaved, and downright pissed the fuck off. It tends to color my view. It brings out my most cynical side. Often it leaves me disgusted with humanity as a whole.

But today, when I came home cranky and annoyed with the world, I sat down, and accidentally clicked on the stumble button on my toolbar, rather than the google button. And my browser showed me THIS.

I smiled.

Every once in a while the universe decides to stop and remind me that humanity does still have a better nature. It isnt always entitlement whores and the ever-shrinking universe of the self centered. Sometimes, people will just do something nice. For no real reason. Not big flashy, I saved your life when I dragged you out of a fire nice. But a three second moment when someone randomly decided to help.

Hold a door. Help a parent get a stroller off the bus. Give someone directions. Do something goddamned nice. Dont even tell me about it, just do something. For my sake.

Because I need to know that somewhere, out there, people are behaving in a way that gives me back my faith in humanity.